My Funny E-Mails

Some of you out there have

misunderstood what this page is.

Let me clarify this by saying,

"I did not write any of these poems

or stories."

Furthermore, I am not taking credit

for writing any of these. I just wanted

to brighten peoples day with some of

the funny e-mails I had recieved.

Remember, when people send out e-mails

to others or forward something on, they

do not think about giving credit to those

who wrote it.

These pages were intended to make someone

smile, lift a heavy heart or make a burden

seem less of a load.

If you know who wrote any of these that are

not credited please e-mail me at

the e-mailer provided here.

I like to give credit where credit is due!

Name:
E-mail:
Message to Webmaster:

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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don't hurt.
3. Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre -- not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is ... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is ... having friends.
At age 16 success is ... having a driver's license.
At age 20 success is ... having sex.
At age 35 success is ... having money.
At age 50 success is ... having money.
At age 60 success is ... having sex.
At age 70 success is ... having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is ... having friends.
At age 80 success is ... not peeing in your pants.

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"ME MUDDER"

written by

pen name: Nancy Sweney (aka) Anita J. Ridnour

Published by

The McCook Daily Gazette in NE.

Copyright 1930

When me prayers were poorly said

Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me butt was red

Me Mudder

Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee if I could not

Me Mudder

And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum

Me Mudder

Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart

Me Mudder

Who looked at me with eyebrows drooped
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me Pooped

Me Mudder

When at night her bed did squeak
Me raised me head to have a peak
Who yelled at me to go to sleep

Me Fadder!

Me Mudder was published by

McCook Daily Gazette

in the 1930's

copyright McCook daily gazette

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